Introduction. Many educational systems recognize the importance of building a skill of conflict-free communication in the younger generation, which is based on tolerance or the ability to accept others without judging. Statistics indicate the presence of a large number of theoretical works on the development of conflict-free communication skills. However, psychologists record an increase in aggression and conflict in Russian society. According to the author, the problem is not in the content-related component of personality formation, but in the methods used in modern schools. Theoretical analysis. The comparative analysis of methods of molding the behavior of schoolchildren revealed the skewed nature of those ones that are used in Russian schools. All of them belong to the “character-building” paradigm. Meanwhile, foreign schools use not only character-building methods to correct behavior, but also teaching methods, for example, they teach coping strategies (breathing, meditative techniques, etc.). Conclusion. The author suggests that the general pedagogical paradigm of personality formation should include not only methods of character building, but also methods of coping (for example, with stress and other negative emotions). It is proposed to classify coping methods into behavioral, auto-training and communication-related ones based on the mechanism and agent of influence.